Memories...

The past few weeks have been thought provoking and something that i watched today made me write a bit of it down so that I don't forget memories that previously I haven't written anywhere.
It started 3 weeks ago when my parents came to visit. They had just had their loft insulated and so had gone through all the 'junk' they had up there. They came to visit, bringing with them 3 huge sacks and 2 suitcases full of letters from when i was a missionary. One case was ones I'd written home and the rest were ones I received from friends/family/ward members. That in itself was humbling to see just how much support I had received. So before I carry on, if you were one who wrote to me, thank you!
However, my little home does not have storage for everything. I wish it did, but it doesn't and so I had to make the decision to sort through it and get rid of...well pretty much all of it! Not before reading EVERY letter (at least i think i glanced at them all and read most). WOW...memories came flooding back. Fun ones, sad ones, weird ones, crazy ones...people whom I had forgotten about (a facebook hunt quickly followed)...it was insane reliving mission moments that I suddenly came back with clarity as well as reliving friends moments either from their missions of within their families. Incredible! I loved it and cried a lot at how blessed I was and still am for being able to serve!

Me receiving the mission call...the day my older brother returned from his mission!

However, I clicked onto face book today and saw a video (I hope the person who up loaded it won't mind) and it was awesome! It was approx. 50 seconds of a young man in his dining room after just being released by his Stake President as a missionary. Someone thought to film it...I wish mine had been filmed, it would be interesting to look back on). In the room were his brothers, sisters, parents, aunties, uncles and yes....his girlfriend. All this was pretty interesting to watch...especially where he hugged his girlfriend...man that must of been weird! Especially with his parents right there ha ha! But it was the look on his face that I've watched about 6 times...Stalker I know...It was fascinating! And I remember feeling how he looked!
Having known this boy for a while (not particularly well but knowing his family) I can see physically, the change form a boy to a man. Every missionary goes through that...its the hair cut, tan, hard work of knocking door after door...but its the eyes that give away a hard working missionary. This one had it. Happy sparkly eyes, ones that looked directly at people. Ones that were a little like rabbits in headlights. Ones that said more than what his mouth was. I know I'm waffling but seriously, emotions are wild!
I remember the anxious feeling when being released. Meeting people again. Wondering if my clothes were still going be in fashion...or even fit...wondering who the first male hug would be...wondering if I'd ever get the male hugs I so decided ha ha. (And then running away from them when the moment came but that's a different story). I was scared in case people didnt think I'd served well. I wondered if i'd be able to maintain a conversation in an english accent without someone saying 'you sound like an American...or Irish in my case. thankfully I stayed English :) I remember just watching everyone! Watching and listening to friends giggling and pretending to join in, trying to catch up on what was new. I remember not really caring but thinking to myself 'this time yesterday/last week/last year...and then losing myself in a daydream. I remember trying to text someone...yeah, i had no speed back then (that's changed now though). I remember thinking as I shook the hand of an ex boyfriend 'wow...that was weird'...and staring at my hand :) Man, people must of thought i was crazy. But looking at this young mans face, its all there. Non of it spoken, but its all there. And i am convinced, to a certain degree, its there with every returning missionary. Its scary, excitng, nerve wrecking and full of emotion.
When I was released I remember my stake president (funnily enough, the same one as released the spoken of young man)...saying to me 'hand me your badge, your missionary service as a full time missionary is over' . I was like 'NOOOOO...your not having my badge'. Then he said 'I bet you had a lot of learning experiences out there didn't you? Well now is the time to put them into action'. Wise words from a wise man whom I gave very little gratitude to at the time! Thank you though if you ever read this!
shortly after that I was asked to attend a high council meeting and asked to share some experiences. I really struggled with it and I went away feeling that the people in there would think 'well she obviously didn't work hard' or 'what boring experiences'...however, I found (and still do find) that my experiences were powerful and life changing and I don't often have reason to share them. When people ask 'how was your mission' I often find myself saying 'amazing' especially right after I served. If they ask more then perhaps I'll share more. My point is this...don't be offended if your RM (whether its your sister, brother, niece,mum...whoever) doesn't want to tell you everything. Its so personal. SO SO SO personal! And it isn't that they don't want to share it but it needs to be in the right moment and with the right people. I know that mission experiences are for life, not just for two years. Even now when occasions arise, I share experiences with mu husband, and He with me, that we haven't shared before. Because its relevant. And because it made a difference then and now it can make a difference for someone else! These are treasured memories!
And that's why I felt all this when i watched that 50 second clip...because I know that serving a mission changes lives when served honourably and obediently!
so little RM man...don't worry! Thanks for allowing your video to be shared. Thanks for allowing me to feel the spirit of mine all over again!

The first week of the mission and the last week of the mission!