One day my brother Michael,who was 7 years older than me, was going for a school trip. He promised me a present from it if I was super good. I always loved him and this confirmed his love for me.
All day I waited and waited and waited and was so excited for his return. When he arrived I think I practically dived on him and asked him for my gift. As he dug in his back pack I remember the excitement in my heart. I was so happy. And then he gave it too me. A brand new, never been used before.... Rubber! Yes... An eraser! I remember literally dropping to my knees and being unable to catch my breath as I was so upset. I remember his face filled with disappointment that I wasn't excited for his gift. I also remember very clearly still being grateful but not understanding why no one understood how I felt. If i remember rightly my mum was a little cross with my reaction and I was sent away. To this day I don't remember if I got a skipping rope or not. I honestly don't remember.
The past few months David and Joshy have had an hour each morning, playing zelda on the Nintendo wii. To say Joshy loves it would be an understatement. His whole role play revolves around it and he hums the music constantly, draws pictures, has imaginative stories etc.
about three weeks ago I showed him a picture of a sword that was on Amazon (I can't remember why I did but I foolishly did) and he was so excited. We explained that perhaps he could ask for one for his birthday. It's a few months off but he was so excited at the prospect of getting one that he doesn't really care when.
We've recently been child minding on a Friday evening and today was out last day. As a thank you, they bought Joshy a gift, wrapped beautifully in angry birds paper and Joshy was so excited. I felt his excitement and was taken straight back to the above memory. As I sw him looking at the square package, I knew he hadn't yet figured out that a square, hard present, is hardly going to be the sword if his dreams. We tried to felt him opening it but the mother invited him too. My heart sunk as the familiar feeling of devastation, lack of understanding, gratitude mixed with confusion, was all over his face. 'But daddy, it isn't a sword' followed by tears galore and uncontrollable sobbing. David was about to be grumpy (as most parents would) but it was like my heart was his and I just couldn't be.
I hugged him and explained that this wasn't a birthday gift but a thank you gift and that we need to show gratitude anyway etc. he didn't understand. I didn't expect him too. He had one thing on his mind and he couldn't shake it off. I felt so bad but realised that he still had to learn to manage this drama. He did manage. He said thank you and luckily the parent wasn't offended and understood.
And it turns out the book is amazing and Joshy is loving it.
But my heart beat a little bit faster as I realised again, that life is hard. And that emotions are hard to control and manage for a child. I wonder why we push them so hard so young, to have to manage things like this. I know they have to learn it. But tonight I wanted him to learn that sometimes mummies and daddies do understand why it's like and that it's ok to be sad. Surely the rest will come in time?! I hope so!
Here they are, loving the book after all! It's awesome too!
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