Grateful

There's something about watching a sleeping baby that makes my heart skip a beat. When it's your own baby your watching it tends to skip a few beats. I've learnt, since having children, that I panic a lot. I can't bare the thought of something bad ever happening to them. It literally hurts me just thinking about it. A lot of people use the whole 'well don't think about if then' line. Easier said than done. 

My mum always said as I grew up, that you worry from the day they are born for the rest of their lives. It makes sense now. Not that I doubted it, I just didn't understand it fully. 

I'm cursed in a way that I see a danger in everything....I can't plan 2 moves ahead in a chess game but I can think 10 steps ahead if I take a walk on a beach! The dangers seem to unfold before me and before I know it I'm on this mind frenzy. 

I'm lucky, I have a wonderful (albeit typical man) husband who, although doesn't experience what I do, is able to see that I'm not making it up and is able to calm me down before it gets too big an issue. 

On watching my baby sleeping I feel overwhelmed (I use that expression a lot I know) with love, fear, worry, panic and gratitude. All my children are great and wonderful and the best things I have ever been blessed with. I guess that's worth the feeling of panic right 😄