Extrovert, Introvert, friendship and Corona...

Extrovert: Talkative, Sociable, Outgoing, Optimist, Active, Assertive
Introvert: Quiet, Reserved, Shy, Passive, Reliable, Calm, Rigid
Anything else: Good Luck!

I went to bed with a lot on my mind and woke up with even more. For anyone who knows me, they will probably know that I regularly have vivid dreams and last night was no exception. My dream consisted of me sitting and  reading, then writing. Which doesn't surprise me at all seen as currently, that is all I seem to do at the moment with uni work.  But what did surprise me was that on each side of the pages or book, (I cannot remember which one,) were just two words repeating themselves. Introverted. Extroverted. Over and over again. It was only waking up that i realised that these things mean a lot to me at the moment and have been playing on my mind the past few months.
It all started with an assignment in which I was asked to 'self reflect' (if i don't hear that term again anytime soon i will be happy). I was surprised by some of the comments that came back to me after completing a 'Johari's window self reflection tool', with people who knew me well and with the social platform, Facebook. It brought back very different responses than I expected by most people and that led me to thinking about who I thought I was and who people perceived me to be.
I asked my husband whether he thought he was extrovert of introvert. He told me introvert. WHATTTTTT!!! I nearly died laughing. He is the most engaging confident teacher, gobby, sarcastic, assertive and loud person I possibly know. I literally ripped him apart and told him all the reasons he was mad to think that. However, he then asked me what he thought I was and as i said 'extrovert' I felt very clearly otherwise.
I needed to learn more about the two and so, for the past few months I started to look at people around me a little more, read a little more and converse a little more with different people. I tried to discover who they were and whether what I was seeing was a true portrayal of their real selves. I learnt a lot. But a few of the things that particularly interests me is:

1. That introverts very much have the ability to act like an extrovert, particularly when it comes to things that are important to them or people that they love.
2. That there is a lot more information on introverts than there is on extroverts, with a slightly negative connotation attached to extroverts which personally, I think is a little unfair.
3. That extroverts and introverts can be friends and should be friends and that although it can often be hard work, it is for the good of the world :)

One of the books I read was 'Quiet: the power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking'. It was recommended by a university professor and I totally see why. I mean, the title says it all really. I love the idea that introverts have a book that tells them they have power, because, from what I have discovered, a lot of introverts don't believe that. Because introverts are often more reserved and don't join in on the small talk or raise their hands in the meetings or feel confident in group conversations, they can be perceived as being ineffective or worthless. How wrong this is. What i found was that when introverts chose to speak, it was in everyone's interest to listen and pay attention.  The power that they hold is immense. It literally can change the world and I'm confident, is doing so as we speak. I put this down tot the fact that the opposite to talking, is listening. And when you aren't talking, listening is usually taking place. Which means the average introvert is listening, processing, ordering and figuring out what the best response might be, if indeed one is needed at all. so when they speak up, or offer opinions or make you question yourself, it might be because they usually have an idea that something more worthwhile is waiting to be said.
This book was great for an actual introvert to read rather than just finding out information about introverts. I loved the guidance it gave to those introverts that have brief moments of extroversion. Whilst always encouraging them to embrace who they are and how they think, Cain also encourages them to seek ways to make the most of the moments they come out of themselves and act as an extrovert. she says
'Those "extro-adventures" should prove rewarding, the fruits of "deliberate practice."' (Cain, 2013).
She recognises the importance of practicing these little moments and persevering when it feels hard, and then making them worthwhile. She recognises that just because you fit most into introvert, it doesn't negate the fact that you might want to be a little more extrovert in some ways. I love that!
When trying to figure out who I was, I discovered that I had friends who fit into both categories. and both are as valuable and wonderful to me. But that confused me a little more. There is a lot of stuff out there that insinuates that the two can't be friends. That it isn't an easy combination and not one worth pursuing. I had to dig hard to find otherwise and I'm glad i did.
Stephens wrote about the two combining to have mighty and powerful effects. He combines their differences and their similarities saying:
'Two people can have the same plan, but their style differences make other staff think they have opposing view-points and endpoints. Their personality types create assorted paths to the same goal. They communicate diversely.' (2015)
He talks about the wonderful outcome that can take place if the two have the same goals. I think that this is absolutely wonderful. I love the idea that two very different people can have the same focus in mind and, professionally, or with love, whatever the relationship allows, can challenge each other, push each other and teach each other as they both come together for the same thing, at the same time. 

As far as friendship is concerned, to me it makes perfect sense that the two can work. I found questions that asked whether one was a more valuable friend than the other. I have no idea why people would put worth on another soul like that. I guess in my head, it doesn't really matter who is what or what is better or worse. It is more about how you are going to make it work. Just like any other friendship. You both figure out what is good for you both and what makes you both happy and you run with it. I think a lot of it comes to discovering what each other needs and finding 'that person' that just understands them and wants whats best fro them. It doesn't sound too different than any friendship or relationship really. although i understand the approach might be different...I found one on ones or small groups worked better to get to know an introvert., whereas a larger group worked just as well for extroverts. I also found that patience is a big key for an extrovert. People told me, and i also experienced this, that it can be frustrating in the 'getting to know you' process. As discovery is being made it can be challenging to not hear from your introvert friend a lot or be asked to go out again by your extrovert friend. It can be hard to keep a conversation going if you prefer to listen just as it can be hard to shut up when you have so much to say. But just as any relationship, it is worth the effort and if it is meant to be, it will be. And if not, then i guess learn what you can and chalk it up to experience.

One final point i wanted to make, especially in these corona times. There is a lot of information that would lead us to believe that introverts are happy in isolation and extroverts are likely to struggle in isolation.
Personally, I think that this is rubbish. I think these are strange and different and scary times that need assessing closely if we are to keep each other safe and happy. I  read a paper today with some advice which i thought was wonderful. It talked about using these opportunities. Whether you are an extrovert or an introvert, it is a wonderful opportunity to sit in the peace and reflect on yourself. it said:
'in a rare time of enforced solitude, when we don't have a lot of trivia or superficial busy-ness to distract us from the important things in life....look into your soul'  (Holland, 2020) 
Take a look inside and decide whether or not you like who you are. Inspect what it is everyone else sees and make it so you are happy with it. Think about who you depend on. What and who you view as important. Who makes you happy and more importantly, who you are making happy. We often complain about not having enough time. Well now we do and it is a fine opportunity to fine tune those friendships and be who you want to be.

Whether you're an introvert or an extrovert, there is a place for you. I view myself as an ambi-vert just for the record. I need a good mixture of both. I need to feel and experience the calm and understanding of my introvert friends, whilst also having the excitement and sociable side of my extrovert friends. And i need them both just as they are, because they make me who I am. And they make the world a better place!