Friendship

Its a funny time for friendships, don't you think?! In the current climate being a friend...as in the actual active word 'being', has changed. We have to think outside the box much more. If you are like me, you have relied on the Internet to get you through whether that be via WhatsApp, zoom, or other online apps. Or text and phone calls. Thank goodness isolation took place when all this is possible right?! But as easy and accessible as it is, it still has pushed friendship to a whole new level.
We have every excuse to not see or talk to those with whom we feel little or no affiliation with. We have every excuse to just hideaway. We have no reason to share any aspect of our lives with anyone. Therefore, a lot of friendships I think, would have faded away. Sometimes that's sad, and as much as its harsh to say, sometimes it's a good thing. But, amongst this, I also think that some friendships will have been stregthened, enriched, cemented and re-ignited.
It's times like this that people realise who is important to them and just how much they value their friendships. Extra effort may be made to reach out or to respond, making friendships of the past, become friendships of the present again.
What a wonderful thing that is. I'm a big believer in friendship and the life changing effects they have on a person's life.  I do not necessarily think all friendships should last a lifetime but I firmly believe that their impact can.
But friendships don't always come easy to people. And they differ in so many ways that one rule doesn't neccesarily work for all. As I've grown just a little bit older and experienced some wonderfully amazing (and also challenging) friendships, I think I'm on my way to having a good idea of friendship essentials. Things that make friendships work and bloom. Things I wish I had known 20 years ago  (although experience is the best lesson). This being said, I am still very much working on how to get it right and so am, by no means an expert.
For me, there are three main things that are absolutely essential to a friendship.
1. Loyalty
2. Honesty
3. Effort
Obviously there will be many more. Any real, functioning and current friendship requires a lot of time and skills. But for me, these 3 things are the basis for a firm foundation of friendship to be built upon.
Loyalty is described as 'one who is reliable and always true - it comes from the heart and not from a legality' (Oxford dictionary).
I think this word is thrown around too flippantly and I understand why. Its hard and often unexpected. And many times is often one way. It shouldn't be like that. Loyalty means more than sticking up for someone. It screams action. Its doing something that you might not want to do because your friendship is more important. Its committing yourself to the friendship, dedicating a portion if your time to making it work, even though you're busy. Its being faithful to your friend, whether they are to you or not.
JRR Tolkein once said ' faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens'. Loyalty means sticking around through the hard times...and more than that, its helping each other get out of the dark times. Building each other up, even when its hard. Loving each other, even if you disagree.
Loyalty is huge, hard and sadly, rare... but its so precious and worth protecting and guarding with everything you have.

Honesty is hard. Complete honesty doesn't just mean not lying. It includes telling the truth, living the truth, and loving the truths that you may be told. It takes courage and bravery to be completely honest. Some describe it as wearing your heart on your sleeve I believe. To me, that's vital. Absolutely. Hard, but vital. If you can't share how you really feel, with love and honesty, it might not be a long lasting friendship. John Lennon said ' being honest might not get you a lot of friends, but it will always get you the right ones'. I believe this but I also believe that it has to be a two way process. Honesty would be recieved as well as given. That is often the hardest part. But, if the loyalty is there, you'll know it is with the best intentions.

Effort... the easiest thing to say but the hardest thing to do. How many times do we say 'yeah we should meet up' and then don't. Or 'I'll call you' and then get distracted. Absolutly we are all busy (normally we are anyway) but surely, we can replace a TV episode with a phonecall. Or a lie in for a walk. Or a night in slobbing for a coffee and catchup.
If friendships are to last, we must make the effort. As much as I believe in the old proverb of friendships carrying on with little or no contact, I cannot help but think how much stronger and more beautiful that friendship could be if the time had been set aside for it. Plus, life is short.  We never know how long we will get with each other.That all being said, effort requires more than a physical presence. It requires following up in those little promptings. The 'I saw this and thought of you' type texts. The forwarded memes. The phonecall to say 'I can't talk long but I just wanted to say hi'. It also requires thoughts, feelings, good vives, prayers, whatever way you genuinely wish people well. Put the effort in. It will make a huge, life changing difference.
I feel very lucky to have some beautiful, kind and thoughtful friends. Some I've had for over 30 years. Some I've had for just one. And that leads me onto my final note. Friendships do not have to be a life time thing. People come into your life at different stages and make a massive impact and end up being a beautiful part of life. That doesn't negate the older friendships. It also doesn't make the older friendships any better/worse. Its important to remember that. Different friends fit in in different ways that we need. It doesn't make them any less important than another. Friends come in different places, times, and ages and all of them, I believe, can change your life. Be a good friend. Be loyal. Be honest. And put in as much effort as you can. You'll never regret it. Because true friendship means you get to experience true love.